Bad Drivers

I have been yelled at five times in the past week. I have been called a bitch, I have had a young man and a young couple give me the finger, I have been startled by a middle aged woman calling me a stupid, slow moron and I have had an older gentleman tell me that I am a bad person who makes bad decisions. (The last one was quite a bit worse but I did not feel it was necessary to write it out.)

I get that some of this has to do with me not being the best driver in the world but I am not so bad that I seriously deserve this kind of abuse. All of the attacks were prompted when, I did not step on the gas fast enough after a red light, I waited to let a pedestrian walk in the crosswalk or I pulled over because I thought a fire truck was coming. Not your typical negligent driver behaviors.

What these outbursts have made me realize is that people are really freaking angry. They are pissed off and stressed out and they want you to know it. I wonder if the gentleman (can I really call him that?) who cursed me with the tongue of a gang member would have had the cheek to say it to my face had I accidentally cut in front of him in a Starbucks? There is a quiet anonymity when people are in the car. You see little old ladies screaming at limos and mothers bellowing at the crossing-guard. It’s a time when people really feel it is OK to be mean. I think it’s pretty universally accepted that it’s not right to call people names, regardless of whose at fault. My mother does not want to me to call the librarian a mean name, even if she deserves it. So what happened? Why is it OK in the car?

Here are my thoughts: We are keeping all this anger bottled up in our every day lives. We can’t get mad at the co-worker who ruins our tps report so we yell at the Honda who took up two parking spaces. It’s not looked upon highly when you berate the waitress who served your lunch (even if she messed up your order) so you honk excessively at the Subaru in front of you. When you are fuming over your relationship, it’s easy to take it out on the Audi who didn’t use a turn signal.

I am not suggesting that all this driver madness is healthy, I mean it might be better than telling your boss to ---- off but it’s not doing you any good in the stress department or in the driver safety department. When we start to get angry in the car, we also start to drive faster and more reckless. It’s like we are using the driving to “get out” the anger but it has nowhere to go. Has yelling at someone in the car ever actually made you feel better? It seems like it does but it actually makes the stress worse because you have nowhere to "put" it. If you get mad at work, you can walk around the office or take a break and go to the gym. If you get mad at home, you can take a few minutes and close your eyes and let go. When you are in the car, you are trapped, physically unable to move your body and mentally unable to zone out or let go. It's like a stress trapper. By the time you get out of the car after all that pent up aggression, it may seem like it's had time to dissipate but it's still living inside your body, which is why we continue to talk about that "stupid guy who cut us off on the highway yesterday."

I would really like people to take some time this week to pay attention to your driving or your passengering for that matter. Driving does not have to be a horribly stressful event. People are not out to get you and no one is going to get there faster than you. Every time you get into the car I want you to take three slow deep breaths. Try to feel the breath enter into your throat and your chest and then your belly and slowly exhale it. Tell yourself that this is going to be a pleasant experience. When you pull up behind someone who is obviously a first time driver, take another deep breath. When you miss a light because the girl in front of you was too busy reapplying her lipstick, roll down the window and take a breath. In the game of life one missed light is no big deal but slowing down a little because it’s good for you, is a big deal. Take the moments in the car when you feel as if you might explode and use them to help yourself. Contract your tummy muscles and do some posture exercises. Stretch your neck muscles and relax your jaw. Sing loudly to the radio, breathe, again. So much of our day is spent swathed in stress, there is no need to make the one moment you probably get to spend alone, a fight with a stranger, it's only hurting you.

Be Good to your Body, it's where you Live