Biggest Fan

I am blessed with some of the mot wonderful friends in the world. I feel so lucky and I am in constant awe of how amazing they are. Why just this past weekend I went out of town with my BFF to celebrate 25 years of friendship. There was a moment when we were getting ready to go out to dinner that we both started gushing over each other. “Wow, your arms look so amazing”, she said. I love the way that shirt shows off your back”, I said. “You are so good at putting on make-up, will you show me how?” Your legs look fantastic in those shoes, have you been doing calf raises?” “Wow, I love your skirt…your hair looks absolutely stunning…you are a goddess in every way!” Ok, maybe we didn’t get quite that mushy but you get the idea. All weekend we were constantly pushing the other one up, showing off each other’s best attributes. It was a great weekend for the ego that’s for sure.

Or so I thought.

How come when someone tells us something good about ourselves we say thank you, have a moment of elation and then promptly forget it, but the moment someone says something negative we ruminate on it for days, weeks or even years?

I have an ex boyfriend who used to tell me I was too sensitive. Every time I gushed over a sappy movie or cried during a Hallmark commercial, he would roll his eyes and say, “Here come the waterworks, jeez you’re so sensitive.” In his defense, he’s right, I am sensitive and I let him convince me that my sensitivity is a bad thing. How come his negative comments didn’t roll off me like all the times he told me I was intelligent, witty, or beautiful? I have moments of pause every time I start to cry and I am sure it is because I still have feelings locked away telling me it’s a negative emotion. He told me I was sexy and beautiful all the time too, probably more than he told me I was sensitive and yet I don’t wake up every morning and say, “Wow! I am smokin’ hot!”

I would bet that everyone has something negative they ruminate on, something that a friend, lover, enemy or society told you is bad. And I would also bet that there are a million things that friends, lovers or society have said that are good about you. This week I would like everyone to ruminate on the good.

When someone compliments you on your presentation. Swim in it, soak it up like sunshine and then write it down “My presentation was spectacular.” Say it over and over to your self all day and all week. When the kids like the dinner you made, jump for joy, pat yourself on the back and repeat it constantly in your head. “I rock, I make a freaking awesome tuna casserole!” When your loved one tells you that he/she likes your outfit, relish it. Swirl it around in your head and love it. Take the good and make it as big as we often times make the bad. I don’t care if it’s something good about the way you look, the jokes you told, the work you did, the grocery item you remembered, the dry cleaning you picked up, the conference you aced, the sparkle in your eyes, the big grin on your face, anything!

It doesn’t necessarily have to be something someone says to you either. We all have unconscious beliefs about how “good” we are based on societies beliefs. I know many a woman who thinks her body isn’t great because of something she learned at the movies. Find something society does praise and ruminate on it! You have the power to think good things about yourself. Just keep focusing on the positive. Shout it from the rooftops, sing it in the shower, stare at yourself in the mirror and praise your straight teethe or your long fingers. Write your ambition a love letter. Compose a sonnet for your math skills, gloat about your speedy typing skills, whatever. If you ruminate, it will grow. And the more it grows, the less room you will have for feeing bad about your sensitivity (or whatever yours happens to be).

Be your own biggest fan!

Be Good to your Body, it’s where you live