My Dear Diary

Dear Diary,

Every time I write in a diary (or online journal for the world to see) I think of Cecily Cardew from The Importance of being Ernest. As far as my knowledge goes she had the most wonderful diary ever. (I have a bit of a penchant for books written in diary or letter fashion). Cecily's diary was only a small piece in the play and really only mentioned in reference but it still sticks with me. She wrote in it all the things she wanted to happen as if they had happened already. She was engaged, broke it off, got back together and experienced a mad array of adventures in between, all before ever even meeting Algernon, her betrothed. 

And, while Cecily is tinkering with a bit of crazy, I do believe she (or rather Mr. Wilde) has touched on something brilliant. Why shouldn't we write down the things we want to happen? Isn't that what The Secret was trying to teach us? I think The Secret was just ripping dear old Oscar off. Believe what you want as if it has already happened and it will. And if it doesn't you'll still have a grand ole time in the process. 

Well, my dear Diary,

I had the dreaded doctors appointment today. I hate it when they poke and prod at my wrist. It swells up and hurts so much. Well that's what I would normally say, isn't it? But today was different. They x-rayed and poked and prodded and twisted and not a painful moment was to be had. Amazing, I know! The kind doctor (she's kind now that she isn't hurting me) told me that she's never seen anything like it and what had I been doing because the recovery is miraculous. Apparently, get this diary, I am in full remission. There is no more blasted RA anywhere to be seen. Well I explained to her v plainly that I had been following some orders; eating healthy and exercising every day, but that I had actually stopped taking any of my medication. I do hate sticking myself with needles. I dont' know how diabetics do it every day. Obviously they are made of sterner stuff. I explained to her that I had met a witch doctor. I know he's called a homeopath, there's no need to scold, but I think he seems more like a witch doctor and really, isn't that more fun? Anyhow, I told her how I am taking the special magic pills every night. As they dissolve on my tongue I chant the special mantra I learned, "I am healthy, I am pain free and I am western medicine free." About that, you know that I just love western medicine. I don't know what I would do without aleve, especially after a harrowing night on the sauce, but I don't want the mantra to assume the medication is helping so I make sure to include that last bit. Well, the good doctor was overwhelmed and so happy for me. She gave a me a watermelon jolly rancher (the best flavor) and sent me on my way. It's too exciting for words, so instead of writing anymore, I am going for a run in the park and then I shall do push ups until I faint. 

much love, 

S

Husband and Wife

Dear Diary,

Wow, the wedding is over. I can't believe it. What an adventure that was. What a stressful and exciting and crazy adventure. I'm not sure if I feel any different. The engagement and the move, now those were life changers, but marriage. I mean, my insurance will be better and K will get a tax break and I have a million pretty pictures and I mean of course, yes I get to spend the rest of my life with someone I love, but I was planning on doing that anyway so what's changed? I suppose I am using the word husband quite frequently. I say it at the supermarket to the butcher, "I'm not sure my husband will like the chicken, do you have any steak?" I say it when friends ask for plans, "Let me ask my husband to see what he's up to." And people seem to say it to me all the time, "Get home to your husband" or "how's your husband?"

I feel awful saying this, even to you diary, but the day after the wedding, I cried. Hard and long, like huge sobs of relief and mourning and exhaustion. I was not depressed, I was tired and I think I was slightly in mourning. Not because getting married is like a kind of death, in fact marriage is more like a birth; a new relationship, a new adventure. But it is also an end to a different adventure. And I think that I was crying for that adventure. It was fabulous, my 35 years of marking the box single. I learned so many things and I had so much fun. Perhaps that's what marriage is. It's taking all those things I learned and all those things I should have known better and mixing them with all K's education and mistakes (did he make any of those?), adding all our old jokes and a brand spanking new joke book, stirring in extra vulnerability and a heaping of I've got your 6, adding a whole new set of people I can call family and who will be there for me in an instant. Yes, that's what it is. It's family. I'm making a new family and that kind of makes me cry with happiness because that's pretty special.

Last night I was in San Francisco with A, and I stayed out quite late. The drive home was just a bit more harrowing that I anticipated and I was a lot more tired. K stayed on the phone with me the entire drive. He just laid in bed, put me on speaker and chatted. He told me stories, he gossiped and he drove me all the way home.

I suppose things are different now. I mean I am still a bad ass and I will still be me, but I'm now me plus one.

A place of your own

A few years ago I was sitting with a woman (in therapy) who was crying. There were a multitude of reasons why she could have been crying; she was homeless, her husband was in jail, her children had been taken away, she had no job, no money and an abusive past that would have killed weaker women. but it turns out the thing that was upsetting her most right at that moment was that she had been passed up for a locker at her shelter. They gave it to a guy who hasn't even been there as long as me", she cried. "I just want a place to keep my stuff."

I totally empathize with this.

When I was little (and still now actually) I had tons of little boxes and special hiding places to keep my special things. I had jewelry boxes that held notes from friends and trinkets from the fair and old jewelry of my grandmothers that I got to play with. As I got older and I started to have my own spaces I had a closet to put my shoe boxes full of things and shelves with albums for my pictures. When you have flat mates you end up using your bedroom as a place for all your things and then if you're lucky enough to live alone (which I have done once) you have a whole apt to put all of your special things in their special places that are just for you. There is something really special and important about having a place to put your things. A place that no one else will sully or trespass into.

After the session I mentioned above I went to the store and bought a bunch of art supplies. I came to our next session with a shoe box and tons of pens and paper and glue. We spent the next hour decorating that box until she felt that it was just right. I let her keep it in my office and told her she could put whatever she wanted in it (except dangerous or illegal things, I'm not insane) and I wouldn't look in it. Every time she came to see me I would give her a few minutes to add or take away or just peruse the items she kept there. Now I know that having a shoe box in my office didn't make being homeless any easier but it did make her feel like she had one little place of her own. Eventually she got a locker and then a small apt and she was able to put her shoe box there.

I think that we forget sometimes how important it is to have something that's ours alone. As adults with homes and families and room-mates we share so much of our space and forget about our little boxes of childhood. Maybe you should dig up that special box from when you were a kid or maybe it's time to have a craft day and make a new one.

Jump Start

Lately I have been uninspired about writing. I have been so busy and overwhelmed (mostly all v good things) in my life that I haven't been paying much attention to the smell of the roses. Fortunately tonight pulled me out of my relay race. I was given the glorious opportunity to speak to a group of pre and post op bariatric surgery patients. I am not going to go into exactly what that means but the short answer is weight loss surgery. This is not liposuction because you want a six pack for your wedding or surgery for cosmetic reasons, this surgery is only given to people who are obese, often morbidly so and at a serious health risk. Unfortunately there are some people who will be given this surgery and then go right back to their old habits, eventually regaining the weight. I was asked to come and talk to the patients about pre and post op exercise and health options.

I don't think I can fully do justice how moved I was. The people in this group are so dedicated to taking an active role in changing their lives with the help of this "jump start". One man talked about how he always keeps his phone in a different room so when it rings, he has to get up and walk to get it. One woman was giddy when she described sitting on an airplane with the tray table down for the first time. They didn't really need me there because every one of them are walking and swimming and stretching and moving all day long. They have been to the unhealthy side and they do not want to go back so they are doing everything in their power to take advantage of health.

Obviously this made me teary and excited and introspective. There are many people who are against Bariatric surgery. They say things like, "Those people got fat because their lazy and have no willpower, it's their own damn fault." Now I disagree. There are a million and one reasons why a person becomes morbidly obese and it usually has v little to do with lazy. It's usually depression, genetics, co-occurring illnesses, injuries and or joint problems. Add that to a family system that doesn't value health in a society that says they value health while they shove diet pills and cheesecake down our throats and you've got a problem. Bariatric surgery is a jump start to a situation that seems un-fixable. But this post is not about the benefits of surgery so I digress.

Let me use a more personal example and then I will get to the point. I have RA. While I know it isn't my fault, I do believe that I have a say in my recovery. Unfortunately until I started taking bad-ass RA drugs, I was unable to do more than whine about my pain. Now that I am on meds, I feel well enough to make a conscious effort to get myself well. I eat right, exercise as much as I can and do spiritual practices to get my immune system fighting the right foes.

Last week the BT had a horrible cold (which he gave to me, thank you v much). He took over the counter medicine in order to feel better. If he had taken that medicine and then stayed up all night partying with friends, got stressed about work and ate a bunch of sugary crap, it would not matter if he had all the Sudafed in the world, he would still be sick.

If a person is suffering from depression and they are prescribed anti-depressants, they need to know that it is just the jump start. Medicine and surgery and pills and salves are only a push in the right direction, they are not the holy grail. Anti-depressants work best if used in conjunction with a healthy life.

What I am trying to say in this v long winded diatribe is that you have to take responsibility for your health. Go to the doctor, do what they say (if it's sane and helpful), get knee surgery (if it's right for you) but don't expect your knee to heal by itself. You gotta put in the hours, strengthening and stretching and icing and massage.

Got the flu? Go ahead, take some NyQuil if it helps you sleep and feel better (and your doctor says it's OK) but make sure you get the sleep you need, drink a ton of fluids and stay home.

How many of you reading this have something you are taking medicine for? How many of you are also taking responsibility and being good to your body and soul?

Let our saviors (the doctors and nurses and healers) give us a jump when we need it but make sure we get that car into the mechanic for regular tune-ups, feed it healthy fuel and don't let it sit in the garage unused. It's a priceless piece of machinery and it's all ours.

Be Good to your Body, it's where you Live.

Gratitude

Last year I wrote an entry around Thanksgiving about being grateful. As I am sitting at my computer thinking about what to write this week, I find myself continually being drawn back to that post. Probably it's because this is that gracious time of year but also because recently I have been thinking a lot about being grateful. It's so easy in the hustle and bustle of our lives to forget how lucky we actually are. There's traffic and money woes, job stresses and physical pain, there's emotional stress and lack of sleep and all of it mixed together can create a v ungrateful mood. Unfortunately that's the easy road. It take a little more effort, but reminding ourselves how lucky we are, is the high road. And trust me, it pays off to be positive. For the past few weeks I have been keeping a "gratitude journal". It's a diary of things I am thankful for. It could be a notepad, your phone or a voice memo but I prefer the old pen and paper route.

Every morning after I've woken up and had my coffee, I open the diary and write 3-5 things I am grateful for. It has the benefit of reminding me how lucky I am and it puts those things in the forefront of my mind thereby preparing me for a blissfully gracious day. Even if you feel like there is nothing t be grateful for, give it a try, you will find something I promise. Somedays all I feel grateful for are sleep and the hot water in the shower but that's ok. You don't have to wake up every day and scream to the heavens how lucky you are to be alive. I mean, it would rock if you did that but somedays, hot water is all I can muster. I highly recommend trying out the gratitude journal this week, I mean it is after all Thanksgiving next Thursday and isn't that why we get together? To celebrate with friends, family and strangers how absolutely wonderfully lucky we all are to be alive.

The Gardener

Every morning (or rather every morning I am not a madman rushing around trying to get my overslept ass out the door) I read a daily excerpt from a book called, "Simple Abundance". My sister in law turned me onto this book earlier this year and I have been grateful ever since. Sarah Ban Breathnach's book has a page for every day of the year loaded with tidings of simplicity, calm, serenity and peace. Often she is so right on in her knowledge of exactly what I need to read about that I would swear she was writing it solely for me. Sometimes the entries are a little sappy or religious or just not my thing but most of the time they have the effect of turning my attention away from the stresses of daily life and upon the beauty and abundance of simple things.

I had just such an experience this Tuesday, the 1st of November. I have been in a bit of a mood for some weeks now, fretting about the commute, the traffic, my aching body, my isolation from loved ones (I moved to the South Bay Area) and the general physical ailments that come from lack of sleep and excess of coping mechanisms. I have been neglecting my daily inspirations but felt compelled this Tuesday to pick up the book. The story I read was perfect for the moment and I would like to share it with all of you. Sadly I cannot find it anywhere on line and I don't have the book currently in front of me so I am paraphrasing/rewriting it.

There once was a queen who lived in a village far, far away. (that's how all the great stories start) Unfortunately she was very sad and she had no idea why. She had everything in the world she could ever need or want. She had a beautiful kingdom, an adoring king, a loving family and all the mead she could possibly drink yet for some strange reason she was v sad. Some days she would cry for no apparent reason and other days she would wake up in a mood so fierce she was scared of herself in the mirror. On days such as these it was wise to stay away from her.

The queen knew that her sadness was unwarranted and so she sought out any and all means to be rid of this ailment. She called doctors and psychics, she read poetry and watched jesters, she painted on a face of happiness and hoped it would just appear but alas nothing helped. She sent out a kingdom wide message to all her subjects, "Please, anyone who can help the queen to regain her happiness will be highly rewarded". Men and women flocked from villages near and far to try and entertain the queen but still nothing worked. The queen feeling very dejected and even more upset leapt from her throne and ran out to her gardens to try and find solace from her own selfish suffering.

While walking amidst the trees she came upon her gardener who said to her, "Your majesty, why must you try to undo your sadness. Look upon these trees. Their leaves are falling, their color changing, their flowers dying. Look at the ground, the grass is turning icy and the roses are but mere stems. Mother earth is changing and it is normal to mourn her change. Even if you look forward to the colors of autumn, you must first say goodbye to the colors of spring.

But do not fret, for this too shall pass.

Be Nice

Have you ever been driving through a toll crossing only to find that the person in front of you had mysteriously paid for you? Have you ever found an Itunes card in your mailbox with a note that said, “listen to something that makes you smile”? Has a kind person ever offered to put your shopping cart back after emptying your groceries? Have you ever found flowers on your doorstep or a note on your car that said, “Have the BEST day, you deserve it!” How cool would it be if anyone of these things happened to you? Wouldn’t it just make your day?

I know it would, but I honestly think what would make your day even more awesome would be if you were the person performing all these wonderful acts of kindness. It’s called paying it forward and it’s good for the soul. It’s also good for the world because if today, every single person did something nice for someone else, than every single person would also have had something nice done for them. Even if you don’t believe me, and you think that the world is unfair and no one takes care of you so why should you take care of others. Well, I’m sorry that life has been so sour for you and while I run the risk of making you cringe, we all know that sour lemonade just needs a little sugar, so sweeten up and take a sip.

There is a fabulous woman named Patience Salgado who makes her life work into paying it forward.

She leaves Starbucks gift cards on park benches, on the first day of school she writes chalk messages on the sidewalk “don’t be shy, were all new friends”, she sticks free ice cream coupons into backpacks at the department store (just waiting for someone to get a happy surprise). She and her kids will even do guerilla missions, ringing the doorbell of a stranger and dashing but not without leaving behind some flowers.

Here’s an excerpt about my favorite of her escapades from Oprah magazine:

But her work isn't all sweetness and cheerful slogans. Last year, when a hate group announced plans to picket local Jewish and LGBT organizations, Salgado helped found Pennies in Protest, urging residents to donate to the organizations being targeted. In one week, they raised nearly $14,000. (She also sent the hate group a note to thank them for inspiring such generosity.)

Come on, how amazing is that?

I propose that this week we all try and do a little paying it forward. Like the cheesy bumper sticker says, Let’s all practice, Random Acts of Kindness”. My hope is that you all become addicted. If you do end up trying something out, let me hear about it. Hopefully you can help inspire other readers! If you're not sure where to start, check out this list.

Watch what you eat

The BF (oops I mean BT, betrothed) and I have undergone the brilliant endeavor of joining weight watchers in order to get our eating and drinking habits in check. They have unconsciously gotten a bit out of hand. You know how it is when you’re in love, right? Drinking a little more wine, eating out a bit more, eating larger portions (it’s hard to cook only for two) and generally not paying attention can add on the pounds and make you unaware of what you consume.

That’s where WW comes in. I have always been a huge fan of the weight watchers system because it's all about portion control. You eat what you want but pay attention to how much, which is something I have lost track of. Did you know that a serving of pasta is only the size of your hand? That’s insane. I could eat enough spaghetti to fill both hands and feet and then some. A serving of cheese is the size of 2 dice. Now that’s not to say you don’t eat the entire wheel but know that you’re eating 25 servings.

The tricky thing is how to figure out how many servings you’re supposed to eat in a day in order to maintain health and keep oneself from packing on the freshman 15, or in my case the fiancé 5. Now I have always been a giant believer in mindful eating and paying attention to your body to know when your hungry/what to eat etc. but sometimes when you’re busy it’s hard to pay attention and that’s why the BT and I have decided to enlist help.

There are tons of ways you can learn how much you need to eat. The USDA has a fabulous site called www.mypyramid.gov that explains healthy eating and portion control and there is even a tracker so you can track what you’re eating and pay attention. Most of the time I don’t even realize I’m snaking on food at work unless I am writing it down and actually paying attention. Also I was recently introduced by an awesome colleague of mine (Mary-Ellen Di Paola; the best dietitian I know) to Harvard's own version of the governments' healthy plate. www.hsph.harvard.edu/nutritionsource/what-should-you-eat/pyramid/

It is extremely informative and I think Harvard did a great job.

This week I would love everyone to start paying attention to what they consume. Maybe you will find that you don’t eat enough. If you look at your day and realize that your food intake consists of 7 cups of coffee and a muffin until dinner, it might explain those afternoon headaches. Maybe you aren’t reading a label and instead of one serving in your Trader Joe's salad, it’s 2. (I did that)

If paying attention drives you crazy or makes you a neurotic mess then please disregard this message and go back to mindful eating. You can read more about that here: wellnesswithsarah.blogspot.com/2010/05/in-fog.html Otherwise, have a great week and Bon Appétit’

Be Good to your Body, it's where you Live

Piece de resistance

As many of you may or may not know I recently became engaged to be married. It's thrilling. I am overjoyed and incredibly excited to be starting on this new and exciting adventure. I have jumped in with both feet. I bought three bridal magazines and a book entitled, "The busy brides handbook for planning a wedding." I am really good at organizing and hostessing so I was pretty certain that book or no book planning a wedding couldn't be that hard, right?

Wrong! Planning a wedding is incredibly in depth and complicated and anyone who has planned one will undoubtably have some horror stories. From venues to guest lists to favors and vows there are so many minute details involved that it would take a bride of steel not to get stressed out at some point in the process.

The fiance' and I were discussing said stresses the other night and after my regularly scheduled panic attack, I remembered what the wedding is about. We are planning an event to celebrate our love and connect our two worlds and families together. Whether that event is at a BBQ in our backyard or at the country club of the moment, it will still be about connection. Part of that connection is the planning of said day. Doing the prep work to create the piece de resistance.

It's a bit like preparing a meal. Going to the farmers market and picking out the fruits and vegetables. Using your budgeted monies to decide which items to buy. Finding a recipe and washing and preparing the ingredients. Putting love and fun into creating a meal you then share with your friends, family or self.

It's also like the journey of exercise. Our exercise goals don't just miraculously appear. We have to plan them and work at them. We have to get our butts outside to walk and make our way to gyms and sports teams. But is the process of getting there becoming half the stress? If you are stressing yourself to the gym are you negating some of the benefit? I don't know, but it makes sense to me that stressing out over the preparation of health can't be good for you.

It's the same way I am trying to think about my nuptuals. Am I fostering connection and love by stressing out over tables and chairs? Probably not. Am I progressing my health by freaking out over the workout schedule in my day planner? Probably not. Am I nurturing my waistline by being aggravated in the supermarket? Probably not.

This week let's all try (myself as always included) to make the journey part of the end result. Being now by taking some deep breaths and realizing that you are exactly where you should be and each step is part of the meal.

The Epidemic

As anyone who knows me will attest, I have strong opinions and when I am particularly excited about something, you will have a hard time shutting me up. Well I am at this moment building up anger over the matter of the, “obesity epidemic”.

I am sure you’ve heard of it. It’s all one can do to not hear about how fat is killing us, and our children and how it’s worse than the plague. Apparently fat causes diabetes and high cholesterol, and shot knees and high blood pressure and even death.

Well I disagree.

What exactly is overweight or obese? The only medical factor that determines if a person is overweight is the BMI. The BMI is an archaic tool that was invented in the 1800’s. According to the BMI, most professional athletes are overweight. Other than the BMI, we determine if a person is overweight by the medical problems they may have (diabetes, high cholesterol) or by the way they look. But can’t you have high cholesterol or diabetes and not be overweight? Yes! And can't you be medically overweight and still be extremely healthy? Yes!

We also determine if a person is overweight by what we, in our heads think is “normal”. Most people have a number. A number in their heads that they feel they should weigh. Great, that’s fine, I have a number too but I feel compelled to remind myself, and you, that we made those numbers up. We made them up in our heads based on society, our driver’s license or what we weighed in high school. It’s a made up number!

Being overweight is relative. Overweight based on what? What you used to weigh? What other people who are the same height as you weigh? Or what you think you should weigh?

There are a million unhealthy “thin” people and there are a million healthy “overweight” people. The real epidemic is un-health not over-fat. Unhealthy is not synonymous with overweight.

It sucks when a 7 yr. old kid gets winded walking to school. But what’s the problem? It’s not fat. It’s health. That child needs exercise not a society telling them the way they look might kill them someday. It is so much easier to add something good than to take away something “bad”. Add exercise because it boosts our mood and lowers our blood pressure. Add green vegetables because they keep our heart healthy. Add whole grains because our brain needs them.

I am not sure what I hope to change with this article. I suppose I am hoping you will think about it next time you hear a news story about “the epidemic” or have your BMI measured or judge someone on the bus. Or worst of all judge yourself. Strive for health. Not un-fat.

Fuel for Life

Everybody has heard the term introvert or extrovert and I am sure most people have labeled themselves or someone else at one time or another. “Oh, she’s an extrovert, she’ll be fine at the party.” Or, “he’s an introvert, so very shy.” Until recently I had always thought of myself as an extrovert. I am social and loud and friendly. I have no fear of talking to strangers and I love being the center of attention. Extrovert, right? Not so fast.

The true definition of an extrovert is a person who gets their energy from other people and an introvert is someone whose fuel comes from being alone. Most people are a bit of a mix of both.

Take the BF and me: I love, love, love to be alone. I can take days in row where I don’t leave the house, and all I do is read, sew and watch cheesy movies. I like to take walks by myself and go to the movies alone. I like long hours spent doing nothing but daydreaming, alone in my pajamas. Sometimes I become overwhelmed by all the activity and social engagements of life and I have to actually schedule alone time in order to recharge the batteries. It’s not that I don’t like being social but sometimes it’s too much for me.

The BF is the opposite. He gets his fuel from the energy of others. He likes to entertain and have people round for supper and BBQ’s and pool parties. He spends long drives chatting to family members and friends on the phone (Bluetooth of course). It’s not that he can’t or doesn’t like to be alone, it’s that he gets his energy from connection with others.

And yet if you met us both at a party you would think I was the extrovert and he was the introvert. He is much less chatty than me and definitely less dramatic (thank goodness, right?)

Have you ever thought about where your fuel comes from? I mean you get energy from the food you eat and the exercise you take but is your life giving you more energy or is it depleting you?

I spend most of my day being pretty social. I am always around people and so by the end of the day I am fairly depleted. Because I know that I need extra alone time for refueling I make sure to give myself that time. Today I am going to take a walk in the park by myself. If you are the opposite and stare at a computer all day with v little interaction but you happen to be an extrovert, you might find it helpful to schedule time for lunch dates and after work events.

Take a look at yourself and discover if you are an extrovert or an introvert or both. When you know what pumps you up, you can make sure to fill your tank with the correct type of fuel. You wouldn’t put diesel fuel in a gasoline only car. If you did, it certainly wouldn’t run as well or at all.

Let’s all give ourselves the premium grade this week and notice how it affects our ability to drive.

Time Tested Beauty Tips

For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.

For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.

For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.

For beautiful hair, let a child run his or her fingers through it once a day.

For poise, walk with the knowledge you’ll never walk alone.

People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; Never throw out anybody.

Remember, If you ever need a helping hand, you’ll find one at the end of your arm. As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself, the other for helping others.

The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides.

The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole, but true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows, and the beauty of a woman with passing years only grows!

–Sam Levenson

Breaking Bread

I recently finished reading the book, Eating Well for Optimum Health, by Andrew Weil. I found it on a shelf in a used book store and thought, “why not?” It was the best purchase I have made in awhile and it was only 75 cents. It is a great book! Dr. Weil has v few opinions in the book; he just tells it like it is. “This is what we know, and this is what we don’t know.” He goes through the most common fad diets and explains exactly what the scientific pros and cons are and he never recommends any of them. There was lots of practical information for me regarding autoimmune diseases but there was also a lot of really interesting information for anyone wondering a little more about nutrition and how our bodies use carbohydrates, fat and protein. I highly recommend it.

What had to be my most favorite part of the book however was a story not by Dr. Weil but by Ronald Koetzsch from Camaraderie is the Best Diet.

Mr. Koetzsch tells a story of his time visiting friends when he chose to abstain from the frivolity of the meal because he wanted to “be healthy”. He fell asleep listening to the sounds of laughter and chatter and awoke not feeling triumphant or self-righteous but feeling left out and groggy.

Did you know that the word companion comes from the word panis, which means bread? A companion was someone with whom you would “break bread”. There is also a Japanese phrase for intimate companion, which translates to, one who eats rice from the same bowl.

Mr. Koetzsch explains, “When food is blessed by being shared, by being eaten in fellowship and laughter…all food is health food.”

I agree!

How many times do you eat your lunch sharing and chatting with your friends? Is it more likely you will spend it checking emails? How many nights is dinner in front of the TV? How often is breakfast a rushed and hectic affair?

I say, “Turn off the TV! Log off the PC (or MAC if you’re like me) and share your meal with someone close to you or someone you’d like to be closer to.”

Savor the experience of eating instead of trying desperately to get it over with. Granted this is a lot easier at suppertime but I have faith that we can make it happen for other meals too. Maybe you can pal up with a friend from work and offer to bring lunch for the both of you. The next day they can do the same. You will get the opportunity to try something new and enjoy a mini party mid day.

Even if you live alone (me) and there is no one to share breakfast with, you can still savor the enjoyment of eating by paying attention to your food. Actually taste it and chew it well. Put on some music or enjoy the silence and relish the first meal of the day. This is what will fuel you; give it the respect it deserves by focusing on it and remembering it.

“He who distinguishes the true savor of his food can never be a glutton; he who does not cannot be otherwise.”
— Henry David Thoreau

Play Hard

This weekend I watched the women’s world cup soccer game between the USA and Brazil. It was amazing. I really mean that, I loved every minute of it. I was up out of my seat and screaming at the TV. I sat on the sofa on a gorgeous mid-morning while the sun was shining outside and I stared at a television rapt with awe. This is not normal behavior for Sarah. I am not a huge sports fan. I mean I am becoming one more and more each day because of the influence of one BF but I have yet to start watching it on my own. This is what made Saturday morning so bizarre. And there is something even more crazy. I watched the game twice. I watched it once live and then later some friends who had taped it were watching it and I watched it again. Who am I?

Last night I was talking to the BF and trying to sort out what made it so exhilarating for me. I came up with a few ideas. Firstly, it was the USA. I don’t have a team really. I like watching sports live and I will always pick a team to root for while watching a game but I have yet to buy the wallpaper for a particular team, except the USA. There is never any doubt that they are my team.

Secondly I have never been more impressed with the ability to soldier on than I was watching the US. They had so many things go wrong: a vindictive or just out of it referee, 10 players against 11, the fakest injury by the Brazil team I have ever seen, and the amazing skills of some really awesome players on the Brazil team.

The ladies of US soccer never gave up. They played with so much heart and so much gusto that I was literally blown out of my seat. When in your life have you ever come across some obstacles? When have you felt like life (or a rubbish ref) was out to get you? Today I feel like RA is out to get me. I hurt. I feel pushed down and exhausted. I can either give up and say, “F it! The ref gave me a red card, the game is over, how will I ever overcome that?” Or I can say, “Hell no RA, you will not take me down because I will never stop giving my all and I will never stop fighting to win!”

No matter how many fouls have been thrown your way, you still have the power to stay in the game if you give it your all and you never give up!

Be Good to your Body, it's where you Live

Nobody puts baby in a corner

As the days creep closer to the 4^th of July I tend to get pretty excited. I love, love, love fireworks and I’m also quite partial to BBQs, pool parties and the general merriment surrounding such an important holiday. But of course as I am wont to do I find myself thinking about the significance of the upcoming day in history. We celebrate the 4^th because it is the day when the declaration of independence was signed and America declared itself free from the rule of Great Britain.

Now I am not going to get into a history lesson but I do think that the notion of independence is a really important one when it comes to our health and our habits.

Have you ever heard of the term emotional independence? I heard it a lot when I was dating. “I want a man with emotional independence etc. etc.” I thought it meant that a person knew what their issues or baggage were and could talk about it like a grown-up. I certainly believe that’s a valid skill to have but I no longer believe it’s called emotional independence. I have come to think that EI as it shall now be named is the ability to feel what you’re feeling regardless of what someone else is feeling. Example: I wake up and it is a great day. The sun is shining, birds are singing and little mice have made me a beautiful dress to wear, this day is perfect and nothing could go wrong. As I am walking down the street in my lovely mouse-made frock, a friend comes up to me who is in a v bad mood. She says, “Ugh, this day sucks and your dress is ugly.” (Not a great example of a friend really) Emotional independence would be my ability to not let this un-friend get me down. I am happy. Just because she chooses to not be happy does not mean I will. If I did not have EI, her mean and grumpy mood would wipe away my smiles like Windex and I would spend the rest of the day in a funk and not know why.

Another form of non-EI can happen when you base how you feel about yourself and your behaviors on what someone else thinks of you. Or even worse, what you think someone else thinks of you. Example: Me again in my critter designed creation happily walking down the street when I am confronted with an old friend. She doesn’t see me, even when I wave. I get a little anxious. Did she ignore me? Have I done something wrong? Oh my goodness I wonder if I have somehow upset her. Non-EI is you jumping to conclusions and then having those conclusions affect your wellbeing. Even if she walked right up to me and said, “Sarah, you are a laundry list of awful. “ It’s still only her word against mine and my EI says, “No, I am a laundry list of rad.”

Now of course, the caveat: There will always be moments when you cannot help but have your emotions swayed by the likes of others. If a friend is ill or you are at a stand up comedy show you may feel compelled into sadness or joy, but you have the power to decide that you will let them affect you. That’s the big ah ha with EI. You have the power to control how you feel, no one else does, only you. And that is some awesome independence.

This weekend as you celebrate the independence of a great nation, why not also celebrate the independence of a great person. Don’t let anybody tell you how you can or cannot feel. Only you can make yourself feel small. So make yourself feel grand!

Growing pains

I have this lovely little book that I read every morning. It’s just a page per day and it’s full of little stories or affirmations or ideas for how to lead a more lovely life. Lately the pages have been filled with anecdotes on gardening and flowers and the blooms of summer. The author recommends that every one would benefit from kneeling in the dirt, digging a hole and planting some seeds or flowers. I am not a gardener. First off I live in an apartment. Secondly, I am impatient. But I am also an avid follower of self-help goals so I decided to stick my hands in the dirt.

About a month ago I bought a package of seeds and some little pots and decided to make an herb garden. I filled the pots with soil, I planted the seeds, I sat them in the sunshine and I watered them. They never grew past the seedling phase and eventually they died. They died because I stopped watering them when I lost interest in the fact that they weren’t growing. I wanted them to grow faster.

Have you ever felt this way about your life? Has there ever been something you have been interested in, something you’ve been working on to better yourself or to grow and when you don’t see results, you stop tending to the project?

I see it happening all the time. Maybe you’ve started a weight loss program and when the scale doesn’t budge you give up. Perhaps you have been learning a new language and when you can’t understand the guy speaking Italian at the coffee shop, you quit, just like that. Is there anything you’ve started and stopped because it just didn’t happen fast enough?

Think about my herb garden. Those little seeds sprout from practically nothing: the tiniest grain of sand. All they have is dirt and water and hopefully some encouragement. They have to push their way through all that dirt and pierce the top of the soil and still they have so far to go but they won’t give up (not unless you do). They keep growing and blooming and breathing. But if you stop watering them, if you take away all their sunlight and their dirt and their encouragement, they will die. Well the same thing happens to us.

What is your current goal or project? Are you giving yourself the nutrients and oxygen to flourish? Are you adding kind words of encouragement on a daily basis? Are you practicing patience? The seeds will grow, they just need a little time and so do you. Take a sip of water. Take a deep breath and whisper to yourself. “I am growing right now.”

Lemons

Imagine a scenario:

You’re in a bad mood. Something awful has just entered your mind or happened. You are confused and devastated and sorry for yourself. You feel rubbish. All you want to do is curl up at home with a sappy movie and some chardonnay and cry until your eyes hurt and you’re so exhausted/drunk you fall asleep/pass out. Got the picture in your head? OK, now imagine that a well-meaning friend or co-worker or family member says, “Chin up, when life gives you lemons, make lemonade!” Or maybe they say. “When one door closes, another opens!” Or maybe they can’t finish their asinine comment because you have shoved a scarf in their mouth and pushed them down the stairs.

At least that’s what I imagine doing when my mood stinks and someone tries to turn it into a growth opportunity. Have you ever felt that way? Like miss happy Monday couldn't possibly understand how utterly awful your life/situation/relationship/problem is and how dare he or she have the audacity to try and pull you out of it. I know how that feels. I hate those people, and yet, I hate them because they are &%$#ing right!

Here’s the deal: Sometimes bad stuff happens. Sometimes bad thoughts happen. Sometimes even a good thing to one person may suck to another. Sometimes we feel so deep in the trenches of yucky that we assume we may never get out and there is nothing good that can come of it.

Well unfortunately as much as it’s awesome to stay stuck in the mud, it’s a lie. Something good can come from it. I am not saying that we need bad things to happen or that it’s good when bad things happen, I am saying that yes, sometimes, often times bad things will happen and when they do, we have a choice. We can either freak out and cry and scream and deny and rage and stress and sleep and eat and yell, for the rest of our lives, or we can freak out and cry and scream and rage and stress and sleep and eat and yell, for a moment. Then, we can take a breath. And as we breathe we have the ability to notice what it is that we are going to take from this situation. Will we become bitter and harder and angrier or will we rise above our sadness and learn something about ourselves, and how we want to continue to live our life? I hope that when (as it does) life kicks me in the ass, I am able to stop focusing on my bruised butt and take a gander at where I’ve landed.

I have a vision

Firstly I need to apologize; it has been a few weeks since I’ve written. I just haven’t been able to do it, physically and mentally. Physically, typing has been proving to be somewhat painful and mentally I have had little to inspire others with. Some days it is hard enough to inspire myself. Fortunately for me and for you I have pulled myself out of un-motivation and now I am here to help y’all do the same should you ever find yourself feeling sluggish, un-inspired or downright apathetic.

It all started a couple nights ago when my mother (she really is the basis for all my good ideas, I think when I make it big, I’ll stick her on the payroll) suggested I make a vision board. A vision board for those of you who don’t regularly watch Oprah is basically a large piece of paper that you have collaged with pictures you’ve found, pictures you’ve painted, words, sayings or really anything that inspires you and makes you go, “yeah, that’s it, that’s what I want in my life.” The point of a vision board is to put your goals to the forefront of your mind. I know it still seems woo-woo to some of you, but thinking about positive experiences and goals actually helps to achieve them, while thinking of negative experiences and failures helps to push us farther away from our goals. It can also make us feel lousy and lower our immune system; negative thinking sucks!

Anyway I decided of course to make one and set about keeping it strictly focused on health. I swept through oodles of magazines and cut out any picture that made me feel healthy and positive. Some of the pictures had to do with health and others were random but just made me feel good, so in they went. After I had exhausted all my magazines I laid the cutouts on a piece of poster board and went nuts with some scotch tape. (Glue is good too; I just didn’t have any on hand) My finished product looks a little like something you’d make in grade school art class and it’s perfect (for me). After I’d finished, I set it aside and didn’t really think about it for the rest of the night. I did this all last night.

This morning I woke up feeling amazing. I think my body felt about the same but my mind felt like new. I had a spring in my step, which was noticeable. People at work even commented on it. I was able to complete tasks which have for the past week been too difficult, like taking out the recycling, breaking down a large box, and typing this article. I even went for a three-mile walk and while it’s not like I was pain free, it was bearable and I enjoyed it, more than I have in weeks.

This didn’t happen because some magazines made it so, this happened because I believed it would. Positive thinking really does help. Unfortunately it’s often really difficult to get out of a negative slump (I’ve been there) and a really great tool for pulling you out of the depths is to make a vision board of your goals.

What is it you want? Do you find yourself thinking it will never happen? Time to get out some magazines and start imagining it will. You don’t even need to understand or believe the pictures you use, just stick em on and see what happens. I truly believe it will change your future, and mine.

I wish...

When I was a little girl, I believed that every time my mom drove through the rainbow tunnel connecting SF to Marin County I could hold my breath and make a wish and it was sure to come true. I spent years turning blue and wishing my heart out for all the things I wanted. Well actually for just one thing; a snoopy snow cone machine. There was nothing I wanted more. I knew that if I could just get my hands on one of those awesome pieces of snow cone making magic, my life would be perfect. I also knew (because I was a young girl and young girls know all there is to know about making wishes) that if I told anyone about my wish it would never come true. The only way to really get my snoopy snow cone machine was to keep hush-hush; it was my secret, my wish.

Every time I went through that tunnel, I wished. Every time I blew out birthday candles, I wished. Every time I blew an eyelash off my finger or scattered the pollen off a flower, I wished. I held my breath and wished for years.

Unfortunately my wishes were not granted. I did not get my snoopy snow cone machine and eventually I stopped wishing for it. Then one day when I was 17 and no longer vying for snow cones I jokingly told my mother the story about how my wish had never come true.

Do you know what she said?

“Sarah, I had no idea you wanted that. If you had told me, I would have gotten you one. It’s no use making a wish you never express, how can you ever expect it to come true? You need to ask for what you want.”

Best advice I have ever gotten.

Best advice I often forget.

The BF and I drove to Marin this weekend and driving through the tunnel I habitually drew in a big gulp of air, puffed out my cheeks and wished. I did not wish for a cool toy or a new dress or a bigger bank balance. I wished I were healthier. It was unconscious. I didn’t plan out this wish. I wasn’t holding out for this car ride in order to finally declare my needs, it just happened.

Can anyone relate? Has anyone ever wished they were thinner or fitter or smarter or younger? Did you tell anyone? I am not talking about whining about it over drinks with your friends (I’ve done that) and I’m not talking about saying negative things to yourself repeatedly until you feel bad (yep, done that too). I’m talking about actually saying out loud (to the wall, your BF or your dog) with no judgment and not a hint of self-loathing, what it is you want. Then after you have declared your wish, figure out what it is you need to do to get it.

Sarah the 6 yr old had only a few options for getting a snow cone machine: telling my mother or asking grandma or Santa Claus were my only choices. But Sarah the 34 yr old who would like to be a little healthier can actually do something about it.

It’s time to stop wishing for things that you are not willing to take the initiative to get.

Want to be healthier? Stop holding your breath and make a change. By telling yourself and the people around you what it is you are trying to accomplish you will receive the support you need to make your wishes come true. This does not mean that wishing upon a star no longer has it's place. I think there is nothing greater than hope and wishes and magic but if you aren't willing to work hard for your wishes than the magic of the world can never help you get them.

In the end I did get my snoopy snow cone machine. My mom found one at a garage sale and gave it to me for my 18^th birthday. Moral: wishes do come true, if you make them.

Too Tight Jeans

Raise your hand if you have a pair of jeans or trousers in your closet that do not fit you...Or maybe its a dress that just won't zip. Or maybe it's a suit that feels ready to tear every time you lift your arms. Perhaps you are holding onto a pair of shoes that are just gorgeous but hurt like the dickens every time you wear them giving you blisters and back pain. Any of these sound familiar? I have a pair of jeans that I bought years ago when I was going through a really bad breakup and using anger to over-exercise. They fit me for about a month and then I became happier and they haven't fit since. That doesn't mean I don't try them on occasionally and feel bad about myself for not being "smaller". Why am I holding onto a pair of jeans that do not fit and have not fit for several years?

"But Sarah, I was healthier three years ago, it wasn't anger running, it was right before my wedding and that's the reason I bought my jeans. But now my doctor tells me to lose weight and so I want to fit into my older jeans. I have joined and gym and I am eating right and I am drinking my weight in water and I am going to lose weight and fit into those jeans. Those jeans are my inspiration! They keep me going"

OK, fair enough. But let me ask you this. When you try on jeans (or whatever your non fitting item is) that are too tight and you cannot zip up, does it make you feel motivated and good or does it make you feel bad about yourself? I know for me when I try on clothes that are too tight, I do not grin from ear to ear as I lace up my sneakers and merrily go for a run. I feel worse and I often think that eating or sitting around feeling bad about myself or possibly trying on more clothes that don't fit will help. And unfortunately it never does. I have found through my own experience that holding onto clothes that don't fit us is not inspiration, it is depression.

And the same thing goes for the clothes that don't fit in our minds. I have a whole drawer of "mind clothes" that haven't fit for ages; "truths" I tell myself to make me better. I bet you have some too. A few examples of tight jean truths are: "I am such an idiot. Why do I always do that? Nice guys finish last. In order to be beautiful I need to look like (insert your person here). I am too (fat/skinny/pale/dark). Why would anybody (love/cherish/date) me?"

These statements are just like your Too Tight Jeans. Every time you try them on (or say them to yourself) they make you feel worse, not better. Why do we tell ourselves we are not good enough? I think it's because we think that by saying it, it will help, we will feel better, we will do something about it. But usually we don't. Why don't we stop saying/wearing these clothes and just say/wear something else? Why don't we get rid of our TTJ and wear some clothes that fit.

Even if you think the TTJ's you say are true. Even if you truly believe that you need to be more ______ in order to be more ______. Is it making you feel better to say that? Is it making you more motivated to achieve it? Is it actually helping? Or is it just inspiring you to feel worse?

This week I would like you to take a look at your Too Tight Jeans. The ones in your closet and the ones in your head. Its the perfect time for a little spring cleaning.